My First Day Back.

Okay.

I messed up.

I know that.

I didn’t really decide to lose weight last time. I started Weight Watchers At Work to support a friend. By no means was I planning on changing my life by losing almost 40lbs. I was mad. I didn’t want to be on a DIEt. I wanted to keep eating like a fat-a and be cute and little. I started the program absolutely begrudgingly. It was the sense of community that reeled me in.

I was in FRIENDLY competition with a few beloved coworkers and I was also given the opportunity to get to know a few others, whom I may not have known otherwise. Weight Watchers is not really anyone’s shining moment. We’re all vulnerable. Insecure. Exposed. Hungry. Afraid of being judged.

BUT.

It’s that vulnerability that grants the intimacy that I feel like our group experienced. I cried in there. I listened to my boss’s boss talk about counting sex for activity points. I laughed so hard that I thought I would never inhale a new breath when I realized that women of all ages were as insane as me. Knowing I wasn’t alone really changed my whole experience.

Now I’m back at the start.

Tonight was my first night back at Weight Watchers.My leader’s name is Doye. Like Doughy. She was in my group the first time I ever tried Weight Watchers, my junior year: 2005. She lost 109lbs. This time I’m not begrudging. I’m disappointed that I let myself get this far back.  It’s okay, though, because this time I’m a lot of new things: Determined. Hopeful. Excited. Proud. And I’m excited to see how this goes, since I’m hitting it full throttle.

I got a couple of new tools. I’m going to wait to tell you about them next time: once I’ve figured out how it works.

Love you guys.

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